Episode Transcript
[00:00:27] Speaker A: And welcome back to a space where stories that heal, knowledge that uplifts and conversations rooted in trust, truth and transformation.
Today's episode I'm honored to be joined by Oba. Oba is a devoted mother, student and advocate for healing and resilience. A Somali American woman who survived the civil war and the refugee camps of Kenya, she came to the US in 1998 in search of a new beginning. She's currently the vice president of Phi Theta Kappa of a proud member of Umoja Scholars and a student at Seattle Central College where she's launching a clothing donation center. Oba is also in long term recovery and passionate about mental health awareness, especially within immigrant and refugee communities. Her story is one of faith, perseverance and the power of turning pain into purpose. Welcome Oba.
[00:01:18] Speaker B: Thank you. How are you doing?
[00:01:19] Speaker A: I'm doing good. How are you?
[00:01:20] Speaker B: I'm well. Well, thank you for inviting me.
[00:01:23] Speaker A: Thanks for joining us today. And I'm just going to get straight into it and ask you, what were your, what was your childhood like in your younger days?
[00:01:33] Speaker B: My childhood, I grew up in refugee encampments in Nairobi, I believe it was called Tonga. So my childhood was full of trauma.
It wasn't an easy childhood, like lullabies and stories and bedtimes and stuff. I fled Somalia in 1991 in the civil war and I came into the refugee encampment in Otanga and I recall like our refugee encampment being burned down. And that was my fondest memory of like just fleeing again. Once again, like you find a sanctuary and you think you're safe in your home and you're finally going to be looking for a better life or a purpose and all of a sudden you're burned down to crisp. And so that's my childhood coming to America. I came at the age of 8 years old, close to 9 years old. So 1998. And I was still a young child then. So for me this was a place of hope. America coming to, going to school. I went to 3rd Marshall Elementary. So I went over there, got educated, grew up in the yes. Loterrans Project Homes High Point, you know, grew up in the neighborhood of Otelo, Othello Parks Community.
So I grew up in Seattle pretty much since 98 till now. So I've been here.
[00:03:08] Speaker A: How has your environment shaped who you became?
[00:03:13] Speaker B: So my environment shaped who I am by being in survival mode. All I recall is being fending for myself, raising. I was the oldest of nine kids, first of all. So I had to raise them, wake them up, get them Ready for bed. So, you know, I was a mother, like, mothering and nurturing my siblings at a very young age. So my environment was like, coming home to a certain time or, like, you know, pretty much taking care of others. So I wasn't able to take care of myself or be a child at that time. So, like, I didn't have that much of a leeway, so.
[00:04:03] Speaker A: And now nowadays, they call that, like, parentified child.
[00:04:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:07] Speaker A: And there's. They're starting to talk more about how not like, giving your child a childhood and making them take care of your siblings. Their siblings. It actually has a negative effect on them.
[00:04:17] Speaker B: Yes, mentally, it does. And it creates a disorder, I believe. I don't know exactly the name of it, but I will do some more research on it.
[00:04:29] Speaker A: So what from, like, your childhood of taking care of your siblings from then to your addiction? What happened?
[00:04:38] Speaker B: So this is what happened. My mother passed away 12 years ago. My mom died from suicide. I was left alone. I was shunned out. I had no way of communicating with anybody.
Reef has a way of isolating you. And so it isolated me. I became alone.
My best friend became the bottle, you know, went out nightclubs, going to parties, the lounges, just kicking it, you know, just living the free life, you know, and experimenting.
That was what happened. So I didn't want to feel anything. I wanted to be numb. At that time. My mom was my world.
She raised me. I didn't immigrate with her, but unfortunately, I never had that privilege of immigrating with her. But, you know, she's been a pillar of the community. She's a very faithful Muslim and was a teacher, a scholar, and she immigrated to Norway, Europe.
I had the privilege of communicating with her and talking with her and getting to know her through my adolescent years, all the way up to my mid-20s, early 20s, you know.
So unfortunately, she passed away when I was 23 years old. And as you say in America, 21 is when your life starts in, like, experimenting with substances or any type of drug or alcohol out there. So I just fell into that crowd. I fell into, know, the. The euphoric aura of, like, the party life, night life and stuff like that. So that. That was what happened for me.
[00:06:29] Speaker A: Listening to you and Hussein's story, I'm noticing that it's like addiction. It's like it waits for you. It's like it was for something bad to happen in your life. And it's always there to provide comfort. And then it just catches, like, the.
The wrong person at the right time. You know?
[00:06:50] Speaker B: Yeah. So addiction is a disease that hijacks the brain and trauma is his best friend. That's what I say to myself. So when a trauma impacts your life and you have no means to escape, but try to cope with the trauma, and addiction creeps in and, and hijacks your life in your brain and your chemicals in your brain. So like I say, it's, it's, it's. It's a, It's a world that's full of wonder. Addiction is, It's a, it's its own disease, you know, and it's a hard disease to fight. It took me almost 12 years to get out of it. Yeah, there's.
[00:07:32] Speaker A: There's something else like that came up to me right now. Yeah, I was wondering, like, say you say you had nine siblings, right?
[00:07:41] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:07:42] Speaker A: People always say, yes, you can all experience one trauma, but react differently.
[00:07:49] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:07:50] Speaker A: What is it? Or do you know if there's something about someone's like chemical imbalance or their personality or what is it about like that specific person that'll draw them to becoming an addict? Compared to like other siblings responding different ways to trauma?
[00:08:10] Speaker B: I think it's the way there's skills of coping. Like, every sibling is not the same. Everybody has a way of coping with grief and loss and trauma. So for me, my way of coping was to numb myself, and that was through alcohol. I have siblings that have struggled with addictions with the. But not specifically from my own trauma of losing my mother, but from losing our brother, from losing a friend, losing from something else, something that they personally lost for themselves and then addiction correcting with them. So. And I have siblings who don't never touched alcohol or drugs or substances and are such like have high iman and pray five times a day and go to universities and colleges and stuff like that and do things. And everybody's not the same in the way they deal, but they also hold. They. They also hold the pain with the same grief that we carry is just that everybody carries it differently.
[00:09:14] Speaker A: How does addiction affect not just the person, but their loved ones and community?
[00:09:22] Speaker B: Addiction ripples out and it doesn't just hurt the person struggling with it. It impacts family members, children, partners.
Trust can be broken. Walls can shift. Kids becoming caregivers. Like I said, I was a caregiver for many years.
Loved ones feeling more powerless or burned out either. Households can become wrapped around the chaos of addiction and brings community to feel it too.
Increased in crime, homelessness, loss and potential.
But on the flip side, recovery can ripple out too. When one person Finds healing. It brings out hope and strength to others.
Absolutely. My addiction was deeply tied to trauma and mental health and losing my parents.
So for me, addiction was a way to escape from reality. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to face the challenges of every day. I also didn't want to be me anymore. I wanted to escape from that role, the one that was.
What's the word?
Submissive to her parents and caring to her parents, the one that followed the rules. I was always the one caretaker, the one to go to, the one to answer questions. If they needed anything, they would always call me first. So I wanted to get away from her and become something else totally different. And I didn't know how to do that until substances was introduced to me by. Through friends and through experiments and stuff like that, you know?
[00:11:03] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
Hussein was saying that earlier, too, that, like, when he was first introduced to alcohol, his friends were. They were using it, you know?
[00:11:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:15] Speaker A: And he had like a. Like a calm personality or he followed rules, but even though he was extroverted, he gave him that, like, new personality.
[00:11:25] Speaker B: And totally it gave me this.
I don't know if you ever watched all old sitcoms. Xenon, the Xenon, the Princess Warrior.
No, it's not on Disney. It used to be on wb.
It's an old show, and I don't know if the listeners will know about it, but it gave me that superpower. Like, just like adrenaline and a rush gave me a different personality. I was more outspoken. I wasn't shy anymore. I was, like, saying what I wanted, getting what I wanted. And then, like, you know, people were listening to me and I was being heard. For the first time, I felt like I was being seen. So it's like I wasn't invisible anymore. And I wasn't just taking care of others. I was taking care of myself. I only had responsibility for me. I felt the freedom. So it gave me a sense of freedom with it. But it also gave me a lot of losses and losing myself in. In the midst of it.
So it's up and down because addiction gives you a high dopamine. But then you lose your sensory ability to sense things and. And to control your thoughts or like, you know, just your movements and stuff like that. So you start to be sloppy drunk. You start to just mess around with other things. Your inhibition is down. You start to. Instead of alcohol now, you're doing cocaine, heroin, or other substances or whatever just to get by.
[00:13:05] Speaker A: So I heard that first high is like a dragon that you Keep on chasing.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:13:12] Speaker A: But you're never gonna find it again.
[00:13:13] Speaker B: No, you're not. It's not. It's definitely not the best option.
[00:13:21] Speaker A: It's like, it starts out as your friend and then it becomes an enemy.
[00:13:25] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:26] Speaker A: So when did you know that, like, this is time to say, to change my life.
[00:13:34] Speaker B: It took me a little bit longer. It took me a lot. It took me 12 years.
So I have a son, he's 18 years old, and I had to physically remove him from my care when my addiction took up to really, let's just say the key word, rock bottom for some people.
When I hit my rock bottom, that it wasn't rock bottom yet. I had to see death a couple of times. For me. Yeah, I overdosed several times. So when I gave him up, the guilt of giving up my, like, my, My sole responsibility. Imagine also, first of all, I was a caretaker my whole life. This was, this was my image. This is who I was. This is who I shaped like my whole life and my identity. My identity. Exactly. This is who I am. So when I gave that up and I. And I gave it up, I. I recognized myself, that this was like. And then for me to have that self awareness today, looking back, I'm like, good job, uba. Like, oh my God, you did an amazing job. Because a lot of mothers can't do that. A lot of people who are in addiction, active use in addiction cannot give up for the. Their child because of the, for the best of the child, not because of themselves, you know. So when I did that, my addiction took even a greater hunger. Like I, I went into substances. And then that's when I first met heroin. And I, I was introduced to opioids. I was introduced to, you know, cocaine. I was introduced to other methods and a couple other things. So I, I fell in love with heroin. And I was like, okay, this is my drug of choice now. From now on, I went from alcohol to this only substance. And it took a whole. Took me 12 years to battle it. It took me a whole decade to fight it and to bring it back to the question you asked.
I was, I was pregnant with my daughter.
[00:15:43] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: She's six years old today. Alhamdulillah. So thanks be to God that she survived. In my womb, I was using opioids. At that time. I was already an opioid addict. So I couldn't just stop without proper medications, without proper care, without proper treatments, you know, so I OD'd several times. I've OD'd a couple of times in the hospital. And they were like, it's a risk to you and your baby. Do you need, do you need treatment? This one. It took one person to pay attention to my needs. And that nurse was like, I'm going to get you into a treatment facility. She got me into Swedish Ballard Pregnant for addiction. Pregnant Addiction Women Recovery program. And once I got into that program, I felt like a new champion. I felt like that girl that survived Somalia, girl that was a caretaker. The identity that I wanted to get away from. The light just shined through me and I heard, I heard my baby cry inside. Like, they put the ultrasound on me. And at this time, I was already four months pregnant. They gave me two weeks to get clean. The opioids. It took like two weeks to get out of my system. You know, it's, it's, it's not. The drug doesn't even stay that long in your system. Once you get the proper care, once you get the proper medical attention, the drug doesn't stay in your system that long. But chemically, your brain is imbalanced for a while and have to be balanced by antipsychotic medications or other medications that doctors prescribe. Everybody has a different treatment plan, but you need to seek help first. And I seeked help and it was the care of a nurse that gave me that help. Once I got into that program, they took me to a six month program. I completed my six month program and I felt like, stronger. I felt courageous. I felt amazing. And then, you know, as a mother, I was a mother before and I'm a mother again.
It was a different feeling being healthy and the life growing inside of me.
[00:17:59] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:17:59] Speaker B: You know, so like, pregnancy brings the cravings, you know, just joy itself and all the good things that mothers experience by being pregnant. So I got to experience that. And then that made my, my commitment to myself to stay sober even stronger. Even like after, like trials of. Trials of just like thinking to myself, oh, just one more, one more, one more use will be okay. It won't hurt us. We've got through it like just light. And I would just rebuke the devil. I was just like, be like, I can't do this no more. This is enough. Enough is enough. I've harmed myself. I've harmed my unborn child in, in a little bit by, by, by introducing the substance to the child. And then now my daughter is not opioid dependent. She was born not opioid dependent.
[00:18:54] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:18:55] Speaker B: She. She didn't have any health problems. She doesn't have any health problems today. She's highly intelligent, she's above her grade, she's in kindergarten and she's reading at a first grade level. And the teachers and the, her childcare providers, her, her caretakers, the people that surround her tell me they're like, oh my God, we can't believe your story. There's no way. And there is a way, you know, and it all, it's all up to faith. You have to believe in yourself that if you believe in yourself that you want it bad enough, it can happen. You have to just believe it. And I believed. And that's why my identity returned to me again. And then I was like, okay, like I finally, I feel myself. I appreciate myself. I love myself. So.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:19:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:45] Speaker A: It's like your daughter was there, saving grace.
[00:19:47] Speaker B: Yes, she was.
[00:19:49] Speaker A: And like the thing your identity of caretaking that kind of drove you to your addiction is also what pulled you out of it. It's also a maybe self aware when you gave up your son.
[00:20:01] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:01] Speaker A: So how does that show up today? Like, that caretaking part of you?
[00:20:05] Speaker B: It shows up today by. I'm opening up a clothing donation center at Seattle Central College.
[00:20:11] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:20:13] Speaker B: I'm part of ptk. It shows up as, like, I, I perform at school functions for poetry. I write, I love to write and just to tell stories and stuff like that. So it shows up in so many different ways. It shows up in going to a faith based fellowship. It shows up in just like, you know, wearing my hijab one day. Like, just like that day. Like, even if I, like, I don't constantly wear it, but when I look at myself in the mirror, I'd be like, okay, mashallah. You look so beautiful today. You look modest. You look yourself, you're healthy and you're strong and you're not telling a lie. You're telling your truth. What I mean. And I go to outpatient three times a week, so it shows up there every day in group. I'm talking to people who were strangers when I first met them and scared to share my story with them. And then I was thinking, like, they're looking at me like, look at this African girl. What is she doing? She don't know nothing about America. Like, you know, and then when I open my mouth and they hear my story and my horrors, they're like, oh, Lord, you have faced so many challenges and here you are smiling every day. So it shows up in so many different ways.
[00:21:29] Speaker A: Yes. Yes. I feel like your story is going to help a lot of women because they don't get as much Grace, as men, you know, we allow men or society allows men to slip up more and then rebuild their life. But for women, you don't have that same opportunity. And even when you do rebuild your life, there's still that stigma attached to you. I know that's something you brought up is when you share your story, there's people still view you as, oh, that's. That went through this and this and that.
[00:21:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:00] Speaker A: So what would you like to say to community members and also the women who are going through something right now and are afraid of that shame and stigma?
[00:22:09] Speaker B: Like, okay, so like in Somalia, it says focus the debate. You know, so everybody goes through struggle.
I mean, you might not know the struggle that the person is dealing with. It's not good for you to point fingers and shame that person.
[00:22:24] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:24] Speaker B: You know, you could be that person. So if, if you, if we were to go through the faith, it's not also considered for you to shame and point fingers at somebody. So religiously, culturally, it's not permitted. So why do it? You know what I mean? You can damage a person, furthermore, then you're helping them. You know what I mean? So at the end of the day, I just tell you, like, shame is nothing. Shame. Shame dragged me to hospitalizations, to ODing multiple times to try to commit suicide multiple times. And it did. It didn't help.
What got me through was Allah. What got me through was God. And he. He. He showed up for me in so many different ways. And. And that's the only thing. You got to show up for yourself. If he shows up for you, you got to show up for yourself. And that's what it is. You have to show up for yourself every day. You have to come to face with the reality that you need help. This is, this, this disease. Without help, it will kill you.
[00:23:38] Speaker A: Let's just say that Allah says, if you come to me walking, I'm come to you running.
[00:23:44] Speaker B: Running. You have to. You have to meet. You have to meet your maker halfway. You gotta come down, you gotta come with the thoughts, the intention, the, the, the, the. The action, the words. You have to come with it all, and you have to say it truly to yourself. Is this enough? Is today enough for me? They said that the present moment is a gift we only have today, tomorrow we might never see.
[00:24:10] Speaker A: So, yeah, I think something else that people struggle with when it comes to deen is they're afraid of Allah's punishment. You know, people think they can't come back to God because of all the bad stuff. They. That they Already did, not knowing that Allah was with them this whole time. And sometimes, like, he will allow you to hit rock bottom, but he's also going to send people along the way who will help you throughout the journey.
[00:24:38] Speaker B: Yeah, God helped me through my journey, and my mom was very faithful Muslim, and she. It shamed me that I wasn't the girl that she needed, the daughter that she needed. I wasn't very faithful in Islam, and I was from. From my actions, let's just say the way that the culture and. And people perceive us, you know, I wasn't wearing my hijab. I wasn't wearing the abaya. I wasn't doing the things that she wanted me to do. And I think that also pained her a little bit because the shame that came from the community, from outsiders, from others, that she would hear the rumors, oh, your daughter's this, your daughter's that. And I think as a female, a Somali female, we deal with that.
[00:25:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:28] Speaker B: And it. And. And it. And it turned.
Pulls out our identity. Like, you know, it pulls at us little by little. Like, it just pulls at you as a person. So for me, I just say, be who you are. Be true to yourself, you know, and the rest will follow. So, like, don't be scared of anybody. Don't be scared of rumors. Don't be scared of what people might, you know, or how you might be perceived by your community. You know, I was ashamed of it for a very long time, and today I have. I have coping skills and ways to deal with that shame.
[00:26:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:11] Speaker B: And how to change it. I don't want to be conditioned anymore. I don't want to be conditioned in that. That form of thinking. It's wrong, you know, So I let people be who they are, and that's all that I can do is, like, work on me. And I. And I'm not conditioned to believe in those myths like, you know, they say myths. So it's false advertisement. That's what I call it.
[00:26:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:36] Speaker B: Yeah. So I don't believe it.
[00:26:38] Speaker A: So the triggers still come up, but now it's just about building capacity to deal with it as it comes. Because life is not going to stop being hard, you know?
[00:26:47] Speaker B: No, no. Every day I'm dealing with challenges.
Right now I'm dealing with another loss, another grief, you know, so. And it's just like, I have to grieve. I have to remind myself of how far I've come, how far I'm willing to go, and how far I'm going to reach, God willing, you know, so there's Nothing that's going to stop me but me. And I know for. There's nothing promised back there for me. I've hit the gutter. I hit it hard. I survived it.
[00:27:24] Speaker A: One thing, another thing that I noticed from doing these two interviews is I'm actually gonna bring you up saying, okay. One thing that I noticed is that you guys both had moms who were struggling with their own mental health. And I sometimes wonder how our parents would have been if they received the help they needed, you know, And I just see that you guys became who you guys, who your mother needed, and that you guys are trying to work actively with the next generation so that your children don't go through the same thing.
[00:28:00] Speaker B: Yes.
For me, I talked to my daughter about addiction. My son, too. He's 18.
He watched me go through it. So he got to see my worst days.
He prayed for me. He still prays for me every day. I've had relapses. Even got. I've had days clean and relapsed and relapsed. Like, like I said, 12 years. It's been a 12 year journey for me. This six years of sobriety has been the longest. And I have one year sobriety from alcohol from recently because of a relapse, you know?
[00:28:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:40] Speaker B: So. So he watched me and we talk, we talk openly about it. I. I let him know, like, it's okay, you know, this is my journey. This is my process. I'm working my steps. I know. I know now. What I know now I didn't know back then when I was in active use, you know, like, now I have a whole support system, a whole network of people there for me, so I can reach, you know, but as, you know, as humans, we're not capable of, like, picking up the phone on time. Sometimes you might get that missed call. Like, you reach out to somebody and then you get the voicemail and you're ready. You're at the. You're at the brink of just like, here's the bottle, here's the phone call, and that person just missed your call and you did. They didn't. Nobody knows what you're dealing with, so you just hit the bottle. So there's days like that, and it happened to me a couple of times. So. So now what I've utilized is that this person doesn't answer. I got a backup. I always have a backup plan. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, all the way to the Alphabet, all the way to Z. I'm gonna see myself out of this. I don't care how hard it's gonna be, but I'm not gonna drink today. And I also take medications. That's the other thing now with the, with medicine becoming vast, like, you know, like generating a lot of technology and stuff. There's med out for, for, for opioid dependency, for alcoholism especially.
One of them is visceral. Visceral. So that's the medication I take for alcoholism right now. And it's a good, it's an opioid blocker and an alcohol blocker. So they're called a beta blockers. Which is like your. It blocks the thoughts, the, the memory and the craving. Yes. So that helps me now. So with this medication I've been taking for 10 months now, it helps me it be even stronger because it blocks it, it blocks the mental, the mental process of the addiction. So it helps me to now get more strength for myself with my thoughts. Now I can think about like, okay, let's just say a craving will come out of nowhere. Like I'll smell hand sanitizer. One day I smelled hand sanitizer and I just got a whiff of it and it was just like a normal to me. You know, it's just, it's. It's addiction is like that. So it's just I smell, I smelled it and I was like, oh, what a do what, what? And I started thinking about what drink and what, what drink I wanted, what I would needed. Where was I gonna go? How was I gonna do it? What money? Who was I gonna tell? Who was I not gonna tell, who was gonna see me. Like, you know, I was already planning it out just for that one swift of smell. So it's called sensory, you know, so, so yeah, it's, it's been a journey. I'll just say that it's been a journey and I'm glad that I have this support system that I have today. I couldn't, I couldn't done it without asking questions and then them have guiding me and then asking more questions from those questions and then adding on, they're like, okay, well you know what? There's this also, there's this also, there's this resources. There's this medication and then asking the right questions about your medications.
I had an allergic reaction to an antipsychotic medication I was taking. Swear to God, I couldn't even breathe. And I wouldn't stop taking this medication because I was scared, because I was in a court ordered position because I had a case and I was court ordered and I had to continue to take that medication. My brother took me to the hospital. Emergency all the way. I'm seized up all the way crippled. Like, my arms are to my chest, my throat is like this.
And I couldn't even. I couldn't even move. I could have died. And I was so scared of the courts. I was so scared of the case. I was so scared of the.
Just say the white person that was out, that was ruling in. The white supremacy that was ruling within my case.
I was scared of everything. I was scared everything. And I could have died. Now it's in my medicine chart. Now it's in my medicine chart. It's documented. They know it. And I couldn't find out without getting the proper help from my brother. He asked the right question. He was like, could it be her psychiatric medication? She doesn't. She's not using. Because I was living with my brother at the time, in my early recovery, after I started my recovery.
So, yeah, so you got to ask the question.
[00:33:38] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:33:39] Speaker B: And you got to ask questions.
[00:33:42] Speaker C: I'm glad we got the help you name.
[00:33:44] Speaker B: Yeah. It took me a long time. It took me a long time to get this help. But I'm willing to get. Show people the steps and the ways to get it for themselves, you know?
[00:33:56] Speaker C: Absolutely. Right. No alhamdulillah. Part of the recovery journey, right. Is when we help others. We are service to others.
It increases ourselves.
You know, me listening to our story right now, I'm getting tools from that.
I'm getting tools for listening to every person, whether they're fresh in recovery or not in recovery.
[00:34:24] Speaker A: Right.
[00:34:25] Speaker C: Anybody or someone who has 20, 30 years in recovery, every person has something that I can get from.
But I also know that I have something that I can give.
And we don't keep what we have.
This is true in recovery. You don't keep your recovery unless you give it away by giving it to others, meaning sharing with them, but also taking from them. Listening, giving back to your community and recovery is one of the most important things.
Abstaining from the use of drugs and alcohol.
[00:35:06] Speaker A: I have a question for you. Yeah.
Or say you can answer. When you go to seek help, how are you treated as. Like a. Like a person of color, as a African woman, as a Muslim woman? Do people listen to you, advocate for yourself, people.
[00:35:25] Speaker B: So it took me a long time. It took me a lot of challenges. So I was given different medications that wasn't even for me. I was misdiagnosed a couple of times I had to take. So there's steps. There's steps that when you're first in your journey to recovery. There are steps in the mental health facilities for you to follow for you, and that's first opinion, second opinion. They always say, get a first opinion in a doctor, second opinion in a doctor, third opinion in a doctor, until you're satisfied with your diagnosis. If all four doctors say the same diagnosis, then one out of 10 probably, you got that. But I didn't know that starting off. So I went to a. My first mental health behavior health facility, and I got diagnosed with schizophrenia. I'm not schizophrenic.
You know, there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm not. I. I knew that myself. I knew there was something wrong with me. I just didn't know what the name was. And I found out later on it's bipolar one. I have bipolar one and ptsd. My diagnosis. So people's diagnosis is the number one thing. First you have to get diagnosed, and then once you get diagnosed by that professional, seek a second opinion.
[00:36:49] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:36:49] Speaker B: And then go through another evaluation at another facility and then see if that evaluation and this evaluation is accurate. Because they say that, like, let's just say I'm smoking marijuana, Okay.
I can have. I can look like somebody who has ADHD because I'm smoking marijuana. So they can diagnose me with adhd, but I don't have adhd. It's because I was smoking marijuana. I can show the symptoms. So that's what they say, misdiagnosis. You know, that's how you get misdiagnosis. Like you come in and you're high or you're drunk. It takes a couple of days. That's why they do a re evaluation after six months. Every six months, they do a reevaluation because they want to see how long can you stay sober so that they can actually interview you as a sober person and then compare it to the substances, you know. So it took me about good five years to find the doctor, the proper medication. It took me about 12 medications to try. I even took medications for misdiagnosis and almost ended up dying from those medications. Suicidal ideation. I ended up having those. It took me a journey. It took me five years to find it. Now I have a facility, I have a support team, I have a peer support specialist. I have case worker, a therapist, housing case manager, you know, educational case manager, navigator. Like a bunch of people working for me and working with me, you know, to get my success all the way up until now. I'm graduating this year from.
[00:38:33] Speaker A: Congratulations.
[00:38:34] Speaker B: Yeah. So I was like, I only have two more classes and I'm graduating Central College. And I was like, oh, my God. I couldn't believe it. I was like, did you do this? Like, oh, but you actually did this. Like, you made it through. Like. And this was my.
I had. No, I didn't. I didn't have this vision. I was in the darkness. I had to crawl my way out of it, fall my way out of it, find my way out of it. I don't know what I had to do, but I had to get out of it. But, you know, Alhamdulillah, it was a beautiful journey and I got out of it. And I'm here now enjoying this podcast and sharing my successes with you and sharing my story with you.
[00:39:15] Speaker A: But, yeah, here's the more wins.
[00:39:19] Speaker B: Here's the more wins.
[00:39:20] Speaker C: Yes, yes, sure.
[00:39:22] Speaker B: I'm actually going to go into substance abuse and psychology at the University of Washington. So I'm waiting for my admissions soon. I'm patiently and anxiously waiting.
[00:39:33] Speaker A: So you're going to get in?
[00:39:34] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:39:35] Speaker A: Just keep us updated.
What is your why to keep on going?
[00:39:41] Speaker B: Her.
She's been there for me inside my stomach while I was using. So she's my reason.
She's. If she survived, Allah made her survive what I put her through, I can survive anything. And she's my company. She pushes me. She has a spirit just like mine. Like that innocence, you know, you lost your innocence when you lose your innocence, innocence at a young age, you know, you regain it by looking at other innocence. And it's like I'm living through her in some way. When I watch her, she asks me questions and she's, like, motivating me. She's getting into my, like, space, personal space. Sometimes I don't have no time. So, you know, she's adamant about what she wants me to do.
Yeah. So she's my motivation. And my son, my son, he's graduating high school right now. So, yes, amazingly, it's gonna be a great graduation. Both him and I are gonna be graduating within the same year.
[00:40:48] Speaker A: Yes, you got a great year coming up for you.
[00:40:52] Speaker B: So I get to celebrate those successes, you know, even through the losses. So those. That's. That's what keeps me going. You know, I just recently received the boss. Like I told you, my aunt passed away recently.
[00:41:06] Speaker A: So that.
[00:41:08] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm going through that. But at the same time, my successes are what pushing me to succeed is like, we've been here before. We can't stop death. All we can do is live through it. So I'm Trying to live through it.
[00:41:21] Speaker A: It's like joy and pain happens simultaneously the older you get. And you just have to learn how to manage both at the same time. Yeah, but you can't start from rock bottom every time something bad happens.
[00:41:32] Speaker B: Oh, no, you can. But I've done it. I've done it. Trust me. Many times.
[00:41:39] Speaker C: I am so comfortable at rock bottom. One time I used to self sabotage when things get better.
[00:41:44] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:41:44] Speaker C: And I'm doing good for like few months. I'd be like, I kind of miss rock bottom.
[00:41:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:52] Speaker B: Giving the F's this crazy. Yeah.
[00:41:56] Speaker A: I think as a, like a relative, you always wonder, like, you see your relative or loved one getting better and it's just like, why do they keep going back if they know there's nothing good there? You know?
[00:42:14] Speaker C: Definition of insanity. I remember a lot of times this is what I thought I was cursed. It's like, what is wrong with me?
Unlike that, that character from that movie, Life can't get right.
[00:42:36] Speaker A: Something I also realized earlier is you said you have a lot of people who are helping you with different things.
[00:42:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:42:42] Speaker A: And it makes me wonder if because we live in such a, like an individualistic society compared to a collectivistic, and we had people helping with all those things. Like, does living in America almost set you up for that because of all the like, loneliness and like isolation.
[00:43:03] Speaker B: Yeah, it does. It does set you up for it.
Recently I had a group chat with my family, right. And we was talking and it's like, like 16 to 17 people on the phone. And we were from Canada, Seattle, Ohio, like, well, let's just say Canada, America, Europe and Australia and Africa. Right. And we're all the continents. Yeah. All of us. All over. All over. And we're talking and we said. One of my aunts said, we never talk. We never talk, you guys. We never come together and we never talk. And we never share our successes and our stories in our minds. Even if it's just to say hello when we are content and happy. But when we lose somebody tragically, all of a sudden we're scraping money together. We're talking every day. Every day we want to see each other. And then let's just say that after the funeral, it's a dead silence. Once again, a dead silence after the funeral, once the person goes underground, it's a dead silence. So that hit me today and I was like, well, let's not do that. How about we don't do that? How about we. We make the obligations to check in on each other once a month. You Know, or if we cannot do once a month, like maybe two. Two months. Every two months, you know, and. And what? And. And once a month we put in a charity of a bank where we collect $20 a month or $150 a. A month for per person yearly. So that way we're not scraping money together at the last minute.
I don't know, but hopefully it works out. I'm still.
[00:44:58] Speaker C: It's not. It's not in us as a Somali and. And this is something that we have this in our history, right?
[00:45:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:45:05] Speaker C: We come together during weddings and only time a group of family comes together now, I have seen.
I've seen slight change and some things improving in that. Because of that, some family members who are taking the leadership position to actually make that happen and to make it a. A ritual. Right.
Not just come together doing EID or anything. Like these families actually do it. Like they have a schedule, like quarterly. You know what I mean? They have, you know, some people who are in charge of planning the event. You know, they know their job. So you know, when they're. Whenever there's a new member in the family, someone has a new child, they know exactly how to support that. That kid. When someone's sick in the family, if someone's going through some kind of struggle.
I've seen few families that are that coordinated now, and I'm hoping maybe they can be an example.
[00:46:13] Speaker A: Yeah, Storytelling definitely helps people.
[00:46:17] Speaker C: Oh, for sure, for sure. Sure.
[00:46:19] Speaker A: And I feel like a strong family is like one thing I noticed, like Shay downloads his tear apart families because a family that's together can fight anything, you know? Yes. And yeah, I just wish like earlier you said now you focus on like taking care of the families. So I hope we're doing more of that too, and not just thinking, doing everything in isolation.
[00:46:44] Speaker C: Inshallah. Yeah. Yeah. Shayan likes us in isolation. Addiction likes us in isolation, you know, Mental health loves us in isolation, you know, and the more communities can heal each other.
[00:47:01] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:47:02] Speaker C: We most certainly can't.
There are a lot of people that want to do stuff for the community, but they don't know how or where to start.
But if we give guidance, one of the, that I, I'm in a group chat with, she always tells me.
[00:47:27] Speaker A: We.
[00:47:28] Speaker C: Need men to be the leadership of, of, of, of. Of the community. You guys are doing just probably better job than the man. Why stop, right?
Maybe you can follow your steps. You know, when our women show leadership in the community. Right. And. And they don't have to worry about whether or not the men are gonna follow. We're gonna follow whether, you know, we like or not. Right? And this is for all the men, all the abayasha, all the uncles, all the brothers.
You know, don't say because your nephew or your younger brother or your son or your daughter are struggling. It's not your job. It is most certainly your job.
Our dean tells you that you are the leader of the tribe. You are the leader of the household. You know, your wife and children are supposed to fall behind, and you lead the way. But if you let your wife lead the way, then don't be surprised when things fall apart, you know, because the mother can only be so much. I just want to. I'm so grateful, so grateful for the women in our community, our Somali moms, sisters, cousins, new ladies.
We're grateful for you.
[00:48:57] Speaker A: I was part of a meeting one time, and there was a mother on there, and she basically said, her daughter's clean now. She's in her 30s. And she said to her, there's nothing that you could have done to pull me out of my addiction.
I only became clean because I let. Like, I decided to become clean, you know? So what would you say to those people or, like, parents who are beating themselves up about not being able to help their kids?
[00:49:31] Speaker B: Well, don't beat yourself up. Let's start there. Don't beat yourself up. Because it just takes one intentional thought for that person to say, you know what? I deserve this. I need this. I want this. I want to make it happen. I want to get clean. And that's how I started with mine. I prayed about it. I made dua. I asked my family many times and over and over, I wanted to get clean. I wanted to get clean. But you know what? I wanted gifts. Things that they were giving me, like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna get cleaned. Yeah, sure. Okay. Come on. Here you go. Here's a hundred dollars. Thank you. As soon as I get that money, I'm out of there.
It was.
I've done this so many times to my uncle and my aunts who have raised me beautifully to this age today. And I can't wait for them to hear this so that they can just enjoy this conversation that I'm having with you guys. But, yeah, I.
[00:50:40] Speaker A: It's.
[00:50:40] Speaker B: I would say, don't stress yourself. Just make the initial dua within your heart for that person to get better and let Allah do his work. You know, that's the only thing. It's like you said that if you can be framed again, meet me halfway, and I'll come running.
[00:50:59] Speaker A: Come to me walking, and I'll come see you running.
[00:51:01] Speaker B: Yes.
Yeah.
[00:51:05] Speaker C: Come to Armstrong.
[00:51:07] Speaker B: Yes. So those. Those are the surahs like that, you have to remind yourself and you have to constantly, like, all I know is just amma, like the beginning. As long as I can read five, five surahs and praise salah and then I can make my dua, I'm good to go. That's all I need to.
[00:51:24] Speaker C: I'll. I'll tell you.
This is talking about the Quran part, right?
[00:51:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:51:31] Speaker C: Last year, Ramadan time.
[00:51:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:51:35] Speaker C: After completely, like, didn't even have to recite few surahs to pray my salat, right. I had to humble myself and then go and ask our imam at the masjid and tell him, hey, after going to that masjid for a couple of years, maybe two, three years, I had to humble myself and tell him, hey, I don't know how to read the Musa. He looked at me. He thought I was joking. It's like, what? Yeah.
[00:52:02] Speaker A: You mean?
[00:52:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:52:03] Speaker C: No, no, the mushab, the open look and to recite anything. It was like reading Chinese.
[00:52:09] Speaker B: I. I didn't know that either.
[00:52:11] Speaker C: I only know few words of a few ayats to pray myself. Right? And I told him, and he said, did you ever know how to.
[00:52:18] Speaker A: I was.
[00:52:19] Speaker C: I was hafid. And he was like, when's the last time you read? I said, decades, man. Like, 20, 25 before my fall down. 20, 25 years old. I mean, 20, 25 years ago, but last time I had to start from the outlets. At that time, I was 44 years old. In. In the beginning class with little kids at the message.
Seriously, just humble myself, grab a pencil and a notebook and literally have the teacher just like the little kids, that he'll write few letters and I'll have to fill up the whole page. And, you know, today I'm about to finish.
[00:53:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:53:03] Speaker C: I'm so grateful for it. And every surah that I learned, I learned it with the responsibility of knowing that I don't. If I let go of this gift, then, number one, Allah is going to hold it against me, and number two, I'm gonna lose it.
[00:53:19] Speaker B: And.
[00:53:20] Speaker C: And, you know, there's no.
It goes away really easy. Like, you really think you can. You know, if you. If you don't quit reciting the Quran, you're not gonna keep. You're not gonna keep it. It's a responsibility. It's a gift that Allah kids you and. And what the reason why I brought that up is you're never Never too old to sign from the Alphabet.
[00:53:43] Speaker B: No.
[00:53:43] Speaker C: And then all you have to do is have the intentions in your heart. Today I'm starting from the Alphabet, but. Yeah. Allah. My goal is to finish the whole Quran. Why you'd be surprised. You'd be surprised how fast you. You can achieve that goal. I. I didn't even think I was gonna finish. Just I'm a. Let alone a lot of fancy. Just a lot of.
[00:54:02] Speaker B: Right now.
[00:54:02] Speaker C: Let's have one more sort of to go because I. I made the intention to do that.
[00:54:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:54:07] Speaker C: Nobody can.
[00:54:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:54:09] Speaker C: Okay. I'm not sharing this with nobody else. I'm sharing specifically sharing this with you.
[00:54:13] Speaker B: Yeah. I was.
[00:54:14] Speaker C: I was in your shoes the last. Last Ramadan. Not this Ramadan. Last Ramadan. Exactly. In your shoes.
[00:54:20] Speaker B: Here you are.
[00:54:21] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:54:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:54:22] Speaker C: So start the intention over just the outfits. Even YouTube will teach you the outfits. Yes, Start with that.
Let's say, start with tonight, learning five outfits from the. From the Quran. Right. From the Arabic, like a little B.
[00:54:36] Speaker B: Yeah, I know that.
[00:54:38] Speaker C: Yeah. Okay.
[00:54:39] Speaker B: Trust me, I got that one down.
[00:54:40] Speaker C: Okay, then.
[00:54:41] Speaker B: Then it's just for me. It's the putting together.
[00:54:47] Speaker C: You're already one step ahead of where I was.
[00:54:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:54:49] Speaker C: You know, Inshallah. Allah. Allah will. Will put you in. Allah will guide you, will take.
[00:54:55] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:54:56] Speaker C: You're a stubborn human being.
[00:54:58] Speaker B: I know.
[00:54:58] Speaker C: You could do whatever.
[00:54:59] Speaker B: Not bother. I can. Okay.
[00:55:01] Speaker A: You guys are both persistent.
[00:55:02] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:55:03] Speaker A: That's what gets you guys through.
Yes. I. I realize that with intention and humility and like self forgiveness.
[00:55:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:55:12] Speaker A: You can. It can take you a long way and that sort that just makes me think of like the relationship with Allah and the purpose of being, you know?
[00:55:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:55:21] Speaker A: It's important compared to punishing yourself.
[00:55:24] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
Sometimes when I have flashbacks of like the acts that I committed just to get my substance.
It's like a nightmare, you know? So I. I give it up. I give it up to myself for recovering from that. Yeah. From that. Recovering from that.
It's a mental torture. I'll just say that it's like a horror film and I keep reliving it only in my thoughts, in my own private self. So. Yeah.
[00:56:01] Speaker C: Well, guess who else knows you're creator.
[00:56:03] Speaker B: Yeah, right. Yeah.
[00:56:04] Speaker C: There's nothing. Allah will for you that didn't happen to you.
[00:56:08] Speaker B: That's true.
[00:56:09] Speaker C: No one could have stopped it. No one, no one in this universe of any other universes could have stopped it. Allah will do for you. But that's also a path that Allah chose for you to. To. To get you to a better path in life. Right. To use that.
I mean, I.
Some people say, you know, as a joke, that if I had to, you know, do it all over again, would I, had I known, had I known the man that I am today, the character that I have, the vision that I have, the responsibility that I carry with me with, with such courage.
I do that 10 times. 1. And hardly had I known what's at the end of it. Right. But I didn't know that this, this man that I am today would be at the end of the, the all those dark days.
That's what that was, what my fear was. I was so afraid of becoming this guy. Right. Because I never saw, I've never envisioned like this being, you know, one of the winners, so to speak. Right. I have. Even saying it right now, it's kind of uncomfortable for me. Right.
[00:57:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:57:21] Speaker A: Because the skill.
[00:57:23] Speaker C: Yeah.
You know, but I'm definitely a winner in life. And, you know, I'm, I'm looking forward to this journey and, and you know, the, the, the responsibility that my community has put on my shoulder expecting for me to deliver, I carry that with honor and pride. And I can't wait to see what the future holds for us here in this community and maybe even our country in Somalia. Inshallah.
[00:58:01] Speaker A: Yes. It's the ultimate goal. Everyone came here to better their life. And even though we had to go through ups and downs, now we're at the bettering stage. Now we're on the opposite side where we can't give back to our community. And even though I'm the host, I'm also benefiting from this talk as well, you know, and you guys inspire me to like one day to share my own story. And you guys are like, I, I see you guys as courageous, even some other people to come on here and tell you guys a story. Because of the app culture, you know, everyone's always trying to hide their app. And I just wanted to thank you guys for joining and I hope these stories help that person who's going through it right now, you know, seek help and not give up on themselves and just to keep giving themselves a second chance over and over again until they're here one day and they're able to share their own story.
[00:58:57] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:58:58] Speaker A: You guys have any last word? What would you say to your younger self?
[00:59:02] Speaker B: Oh, I actually wrote a whole letter.
[00:59:05] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:59:06] Speaker B: I wrote it to my 17 year old self.
[00:59:09] Speaker C: Let's hear it.
[00:59:10] Speaker B: Oh, man, I was thinking of that, that I posted it on Facebook for my family to read it. I said Dear 17 year old, you don't know it yet, but you're a warrior. Right now, the world feels heavy. You are drowning in pain, in loss, in a different addiction, in battles you don't think you'll survive. You're searching for love in all the wrong places. Numbing yourself just to make it through another day. And I know deep down you won. You wonder if you'll ever escape this cycle, if you'll ever be more than the pain that surrounds you. Listen to me. You will. You will claw your way out of the darkness. You will fight for your life and you will win. That hero, the heroine that once held you hostage, will no longer have power over you. The addiction that tried to. To break you will become part of your past, not your future. You will stand in the truth in your recovery. And you will stay sober, not just for a year, not just for today, but every day that follows. Because you are stronger than you ever believe. You will endure loss that would destroy most people. Losing your mother will leave you hole in your heart and nothing and. And nothing can return her. Losing Muhammad will shake you to your core. And Keith and his death will nearly break you. But you will not break. You will grieve. You will cry. You will scream at the universe for taking so much from you. And still you will keep going. You will keep fighting. For them, for you. Despite it all, despite the trauma, despite the struggle, you will rise. You will become the Vice President of PI Theta Kappa. You will step into leadership, into your voice, into your purpose. You will be four classes away. Well, actually two classes away now. Classes away from earning your Associates of Science degree. You'll be at the edge of graduation, proving to yourself and to the world that you are more than your past, more than the pain. And as you wait for your acceptance letter from the University of Washington, you will know deep down, you are capable of anything. You will build something bigger than yourself. You will open a clothing closet at Seattle Central for a space where people can find themselves and find clothings that they need the dignity they deserve. You will give back to your community. Because you know what it feels like to struggle. Because you refuse to let others go without. Even when you can do something.
[01:01:44] Speaker A: What?
[01:01:44] Speaker B: Even when you can do something about it. Great job. I love you.
[01:01:54] Speaker A: That was amazing. Yeah. I can't wait to see you performing that on stages.
[01:01:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
I get. What do you call, stage fright. I'm not gonna lie.
Writing for me in a. In a solitude like. Like isolated place is. I can write for days, for hours, but like, when it Comes to the spoken parts in the mirror.
Do that.
[01:02:20] Speaker A: Yes.
[01:02:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:02:21] Speaker A: This is just the point. This many more.
[01:02:24] Speaker B: Many of many engagements spoken for. But I was still. Still anxious a lot.
[01:02:30] Speaker C: Another thing. Go to, like, open mics, like poetry night open mics. You could probably collaborate. Yeah, yeah. Go to open mics to. In front of strangers. I just.
[01:02:42] Speaker A: Yes.
[01:02:43] Speaker C: Yeah. No. How do you top that? I mean.
[01:02:48] Speaker B: Don'T try to follow.
[01:02:50] Speaker A: I just wanted to say may Allah have mercy on your mom. And I know she will be proud of you today, and you're getting to live the life, you know.
[01:03:02] Speaker B: She's proud of me?
[01:03:03] Speaker A: Yes.
[01:03:04] Speaker B: I know she's proud of me.
[01:03:05] Speaker A: Yes. And your daughters, too. And your son.
[01:03:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:03:08] Speaker A: And your sons.
[01:03:09] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:03:10] Speaker A: And the community, too.
[01:03:11] Speaker C: Yes.
[01:03:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:03:13] Speaker C: Thank you. I. One of the last questions over here, I think I saw very important. How does your story change your purpose and what you feel? What I'm called to do now, right? How I feel that this is something that I'm comfortable. That's a perfect question for someone like me, right?
Because the thing is, even an active addiction, even, you know, just being a street guy, right? I've always been, like, with that one guy that have people crowd around. I could hold court as long as I can remember, right. I can. I can demand, like, attention no matter where I go. With, with just not my looks, not my money, not. But just the way I deliver. Right? Even lies, even. You know what I mean? Just a simple, you know, drunk night in somebody's house while we're playing poker. I. I commanded the room with my. With my delivery of words. I remember some of my friends used to tell me, man, they're saying, you know, you got the gift of gab. You got to do something with it right now. Yeah, you gotta do something with it, man. Maybe become a lawyer or something. Never. Like, what? Yeah, how am I even gonna become a lawyer? I'm lucky if I survive, right? And, and, and, and, and it never occurred to me that I'll do something with it. And today, that gift that I asked, I asked Allah, you know, whatever my gift is, whatever my abilities that you have blessed me with, use it for. For your. For good cause. Use it for your path, you know, and you just. You put me in a position. So I'm hoping maybe I can become like an Imam and Masjid or something.
[01:05:11] Speaker A: Yes.
[01:05:12] Speaker C: Right.
[01:05:12] Speaker A: Inshallah.
[01:05:14] Speaker C: It occurred to me one day.
[01:05:18] Speaker B: I.
[01:05:19] Speaker C: Was talking to an event at some health board, right?
[01:05:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:05:22] Speaker C: Not the one we met, but another one.
[01:05:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:05:25] Speaker C: And I saw how those faces were looking at the Next one down, down. Like find purpose man.
That was December last year.
A week later I sold my truck to my older brother and I quit trucking. I was like, I meant to be a trucker.
[01:05:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:05:53] Speaker C: I found my calling. I know what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life.
[01:05:58] Speaker B: Right.
[01:05:59] Speaker C: Even if what held me back from going hard and working on Recovery center was because my lack of confidence in having the academic knowledge of how to help the community and not getting enough support from the people who are the academics. Right. The people who graduate from colleges within our community. They didn't have enough faith in me and what. And our team.
[01:06:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:06:28] Speaker C: So I go. I don't need them.
Right, Right. People that allies meant to take part of this. They'll come on board in due time. Right now I know what my calling is. I know how those members of the community are looking at me to leadership. And they, they, they, they are interested in me and, and, and they want me to do this work. So I quit driving trucks, man. I said, you know, and now I know, Now I know what my gift to gab and, and you know, my, my, my, my delivery now it's coming out from a place of care, from a place of understanding and from a place of hope, you know, that other people can look at me and say this. Now we have at least an answer that we're looking for somebody that can understand or somebody that can understand our pain. Somebody who can talk to privately but can also tell us publicly.
[01:07:28] Speaker A: Yeah. I feel like people try to.
They make you seem like you have to be like book smart or college educated to think you can help people back. But it's the things that naturally come to you that can do the most for people. And sometimes your calling is what you're tested with the most, you know? So like your gift of gab, you could either use it for head or you could use it for like evil, you know? So you're choosing to do something good with your calling.
[01:07:58] Speaker C: Trust me, I've used it for a lot of you. I've broken a lot of hearts through this gift of gap.
[01:08:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:08:04] Speaker C: Yeah.
I was the most awful liar and pretending to be the man of their life. To too many women that you know, I ask Allah could just forgive me how many hearts that I hope and me.
[01:08:23] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:08:24] Speaker C: But maybe we can end it with heaven call.
[01:08:29] Speaker A: Is there anything you guys are looking like forward to?
[01:08:31] Speaker C: Huh?
[01:08:32] Speaker A: Is there anything you guys are looking forward to like the rest of the year?
[01:08:36] Speaker B: I'm looking forward to that acceptance letter and I'm having my first vacation in a long time.
[01:08:41] Speaker A: Yes, you deserve it.
[01:08:43] Speaker B: So, Alhamdulillah, man. I'm taking a vacation by myself. Just time to reflect on what I want to do before I start the fall university.
Yeah.
[01:08:56] Speaker D: Holding, holding on to longing.
Holding on to nostalgia.
Holding on to home?
Holding on to grief?
Holding on to the memory.
Holding on.
Holding, holding on for your life.
Holding on to root?
Holding on to culture?
Holding your breath?
Holding on to faith?
Holding on to God?
Holding, holding for the future.
Holding, holding on to the Ummah One story at a time.
